Thursday, December 15, 2011

boo hoo hoo


It was an interesting weekend around the derby-wright household with screaming caleb Friday night and screaming jared Saturday night and poor, stuffed up Caleb who couldn’t suck his paci for how stuffy he was…oy. We made the decision Friday night with caleb to let him “Cry It Out” a method that many moms today find barbaric and completely inappropriate. It basically involves attempting to calm the screaming child multiple times without successfully getting them to remain calm without being held. On Friday night caleb wanted to be held and nurse…he had gotten in a habit of just wanting to be held and the minute his little legs touch the mattress of his crib he starts screaming again – which inevitably wakes jared…so instead of teaching caleb that all he has to do is scream and we will come running I took jared downstairs to bed with me and mommy stayed with caleb while he screamed for 2 hours before falling to sleep. Well…apparently jared got the memo that this was a fun game and proceeded to do the same thing the next night…

We let the boys cry it out because for us it is important for them to learn to self sooth – this is a crucial part of development…and caleb has gotten into the habit of crying just to get us to come hold him – which trust me I would love to take him into bed with us each night but we can’t…it’s not safe for him and not good for us to let our bed become a family space. Any way…we had two straight nights of crying it out and both boys did eventually go back to sleep…both were long nights but well worth it in the grand scheme of things…

All in all i'd say it was a good weekend. 
it's always difficult when sleep deprivation and a desire to be everyone's everything comes into play but in the end it always ends on a high note...or at least a note of satisfaction with knowing i have an awesome family!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

just happy

to be my kids' mama...

this makes me happy
gets me through the day
my insanely wonderful wife also helps with both of those things too :)

with every day we get better and that's what counts...


gates

yup - it's that time...time for the baby gates to go up.
that's the plan for this weekend anyway
i plan on putting the gates up since jared has not realized he can roll...and then roll again...and then roll again

this is definitely the end of the infant era and a transition into the era of "baby" and i'm guessing we will soon move onto toddler...yowza!




Sunday, November 27, 2011

half a year ago...

it's 11:16am on November 27, 2011...half a year ago, 6 months ago, 182 days ago plus or minus a few hours we were sitting (well angela was laying) in a hospital room on the L&D floor of UNC hospital. we were only a few hours away from the craziest moment of our life.

over the past 6 months so many things in our world have changed and so many things about these two little boys has changed!

jared day 1
 
caleb day 1


one month


one month


over the past six months you've learned to roll and squeal and how to get our attention by screaming - how to make your bouncy seats work by grabbing them - J, you've sprouted a tooth and C, you are definitely working on a few teeth of your own...
you are eating bananas, avocados, turnips, green beans, butternut squash, acorn squash, sweet potatoes and baby cereal...
you often attempt to hold your own bottles during night time feedings now and you are consistently (but not always) sleeping through the night
you jump in your johnny jump up and twirl around in your exersaucer
you talk and laugh and play with us
J when you're nursing you stop to stare at me which is the most heart melting thing ever
C when you wake up from a good nap you've got the best smile!
we've had to buy baby gates because over night you went from infants to babies...we saw your cousin ari today and she classified you as "kids" and it's true...it feels like over night you went from these tiny little 5 pound nothings to these gorgeous, incredible little boys!
i look forward to the changes and challenges of the next 6 months...

















Saturday, November 12, 2011

yeast?

apparently not...pizza dough attempt #1 = fail!

i guess it's time to wait for my sleepy heads to rouse and then off to the store we go

5th month...fifths disease

oof. we've got two boys who woke up with bizarrely red cheeks. caleb had hot, bright red cheeks - we're talking someone took face paint and smeared it all over his face. jared on the other hand woke up with stranger red splotches around each eye. typically we wouldn't have done anything in terms of going to the doctor but we were supposed to see our cousin ari today and she's pregnant - we wanted to make sure the boys weren't contagious. well turns out they likely have fifths' disease which isn't awful in the grand scheme of things but horrible if they come into contact with a pregnant lady...
oh wait - and mommy has viral pink eye - not contagious thank goodness but still.
what a weekend.
currently everyone is sleeping and i'm getting some long overdue sitting on the couch time. is folding laundry and watching "bones" and "ncis" on my computer...
i should start making the pizza dough for tonight's white pizza...but it's a beautiful fall day and i've finished my first cup of tea for the afternoon - i've got a fat kitty sleeping next to me and another sleeping on the babies' play mat.

after all that and this morning's work training i think i'll make my way into the kitchen and begin making pizza...
pizza is something my family made every thursday night as long as i can remember
i have the recipe in my head that my mom made.
it was just something we did as a family...
i think i would like to continue this with the boys...maybe not every week but at least teaching them how to make pizza and how making your food makes it that much more rewarding.

hmm...some how i feel this post that started as a brief description of the boys' first real illness or diagnosis has disintegrated into a rant about life and food and family...not too bad really.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

define mother

mother is defined as a female parent
our society defines mother as the person who gave birth to the child in question
we see mother as someone who cooks, cleans, and cares for the child
the mother raises the child while the father ensures that the family has what it needs

in our family there are two mothers - one biological and one (me) not so biological
in our family mommy stays home and cares for our children - she feeds them and nurses them and holds them when they are sad - she sings to them and reads to them and tickles them
in our family mama goes to work each day and tries to change the lives of others in order to provide for these little ones
in our family mama is just as much a mother as mommy is

we work together
are on the same page
have the same morals and beliefs about what it is we want to instil upon our children
we are partners
and we are a team

no matter how mother is defined by others mama will always be someone who works every day in order to provide every opportunity to her boys - someone who looks forward to holding them during their evening bottle and loves the way they smell after bath time - someone who can't wait to make baby food from scratch - someone who hears her boys cry and their little voices saying "mama mama" even though it means nothing and is just the sound they make...

...mama...mommy...we both live here...and both do our part raising these boys
i know so many other mommy/mama families who struggle to find a place for the non-biological mother...they feel possessive of the child when they have a biological attachment - they feel like the non-bio parent acts like a babysitter - so they treat them like a babysitter - they wonder why the other parent is not bonded but so often it's that parent who is working day and night to support the family and keep the wheels turning - they see the "other-mother" as not actually the mother at all...but don't have the words to say it.

...mama...mommy...mother...ima...no matter what you call it or our biological attachment we both live here...and both do our part raising these boys

Sunday, October 23, 2011

reflections

i look back on the past 5 months and it has been such an incredible time of love and growth and changes and discoveries
we have grown as a family and while there are still things we need to learn about each other and how we all fit i can't imagine things any other way.
no one ever imagines parenthood to be easy. and no one ever tells you that you'll be capable of handling it. and yet there is something about this that feels very solid and i do feel like we have done right by these boys the past almost 5 months. people look in at our little family and wonder "how?"
how do we look rested? - we're really good at faking it and for the most part our boys sleep fairly well
how do we look so put together? - well, hygiene has always been a priority for us :) i joke with angela all the time that when the boys are teenagers they will be showering at least twice a day...let's face it, boys are a bit smelly

i often wonder how you don't resent me for leaving every day and while i understand the necessity of going to work and bringing home the proverbial bacon i also know how hard it can be to be home alone with two little boys who are not always on their best behavior...

in the past few short weeks since the boys turned 4 months old they have started to notice each other...jared often babbles and laughs when caleb is in his line of sight - he makes awesome eye contact and occasionally caleb with babble back...caleb is the quiet type. he has to work up to a conversation even with his brother...
as they get older they get older i look forward to learning the language they will have with each other. i look forward to seeing these two already so different personalities grow and strengthen!


Monday, October 17, 2011

DTaP

oy...so today is the DTap allergy visit...the boys cannot get the DTaP (diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis) vaccine in the doctor's office...you know a regular shot to the thigh like they do for all their other shots.
donor #5508 was so similar to me in so many ways - he has brown curly hair and dark brown eyes, he has a sweet smile and has ambitions included non-profit management and a degree in social work to with disadvantaged peoples. all of these are attributes in myself that i value and wanted to pass on to a child. as i was not going to have a biological relationship with the child we searched for someone with many of my traits. never in a million years did we intend to pass along my severe allergy to the P part of the DTap. when i was a child and received my first dose of DTaP i spiked an incredibly high fever and my parents had to keep me in a tub of cool water in order to reduce my risk for febrile seizures. upon reading the full medical history for #5508 we discovered that ironically he was allergic to the P in DTaP and when he received his first dose of the vaccine as an infant was hospitalized. this changed our entire outlook on the vaccine as a whole. we wanted the boys to have DTa but not P...we discussed it with dr. fitzsimmons and she was really insistent that the boys get the vaccine which we did know was incredibly important we just were not comfortable with the possible consequences. we discussed sending the boys to an allergist at UNC in order to administer the vaccine at a slow rate in order to monitor symptoms of allergy in a controlled setting.
needless to say we agreed and today the boys are sitting with mommy and lil' grandma at UNC. mommy gets no service inside the clinic so i have no clue what the progress is. she will call if anything goes wrong...
just got a text that the boys are being given a test shot and then watched for 30 minutes and then given the whole shot. so...i am holding my little loves (all 3 of them, mommy included) in the light and hoping this day gets no more eventful then it already is.

dear c & j
i'm sorry that you have to endure this day.
i know it is no fun and that tomorrow you will probably be cranky and sleepy.
i know it's hard to understand now but getting vaccines saves lives - not only your lives but the lives of others whose parents choose not to vaccinate their children.
i love you both with all my heart and look forward to holding you this afternoon.
we'll go for a walk in our new, rockin', orange stroller
maybe we'll take mommy and tyler out to the trails and we can all go for a walk. we'll bring some snacks and maybe have a picnic...

sleep well this afternoon
and i promise - tonight you are all mine!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

a picture is worth a thousand words

 if you stick it in my mouth, i'm gonna bite it!

 sleepin through game day

 yes - they put me in laundry basket

when mama was a kid she had "sister baths" - now we get to have "brother baths"

 i found my thumb!

 local boy!

 first walk in our new stroller

 bubbles and bath time

 first bites of cereal

 nom nom nom!

 jared's first bite

 i'm cute

 hmmm...

 uh huh...

 books are nummy




i just can't get enough

these photos were taken over the past month - it's been about that long since i posted last. 
since then the boys have reached 4 months old and caleb has really come into his own.
i felt it appropriate for this post to be more about the boys and their faces and less about the words i have to discuss and describe the last month of these little boys' lives

Monday, September 19, 2011

long time no see

it's been so long since i've seen you two...
well, it's really only been 4 days but i miss you like crazy...i went over to cheryl's tonight and held wade and snuggled up to him and wished that i was holding my boys.
it's been hard to be away from them and to have nothing here that means as much as them. i made myself busy over the weekend gardening and spending time with the dog - attempting to get the backyard in reasonable shape for us to spend time...and yet when i went to lay down at the end of the night it was just lonely...i didn't hear your little voices grunting and shifting in the background - your sound machine wasn't there to let me know that there were two little baby burritos sleeping right above me...
without you two little ones i am lonely...
i am your mama and without you i am nothing...
sleep well tonight my little ones...
sleep well...

Saturday, August 27, 2011

flip flop


so...i posted earlier that jared had rolled over and i was the only one who was able to see it...
i put him down multiple times today hoping he would roll for mommy and he refused claiming he was too hungry or too sleepy or just plain old grumpy...
finally around 6:30pm i put lay him down and just as i got mommy's attention he flipped over.
fortunately he did it again with the camera rolling
this is time #4 that jared has rolled over in his whole life

3 months

as of today you are 3 months old - august 27, 2011!

this week in history:
  • libyan rebels overtook the capital of libya marking what is likely the end of months of fighting
  • hurricane irene (biggest hurricane of the season so far) made landfall on the NC coast - we only experienced some rain and wind here in chapel hill
this week in our lives
  • you met your new friend Wade Allison Noble for the first time
  • you have started sleeping from around 10pm until around 5-5:30am
  • caleb's angelcare monitor went off around 2:30am and mommy and i both had total heart attacks...it's likely he just migrated off the monitor's sensor pad but still...not the most fun way to be woken up at 2am
  • caleb tracked mommy's face for the first time (8/27/2011)
  • jared rolled over for the first time and then did it again - mama was the only one that got to see this and it was the most amazing things (8/27/2011)
  • jared responded to his name (or the sound of mama's voice) for the first time - we were hanging out on the couch and i said his name and he swung his head back to look at me...he did it again and again and again...(8/26/2011)
dear c & j
this is the first weekend in some time that i've really just been able to hang out with you. no errands to run, no people to meet...just stay at home and snuggle time. you both continue to amaze me with how big you are. you're able to wear any where from 0-6 months clothes on top...you're barely fitting into 0-3 month bottoms ;) i guess that's what happens when you get your mommy's long torso and her tiny legs and tush!
i'm sorry that i'm not home a lot during the day to spend time with you and snuggle with you. know that each and every minute that i'm gone is all because i want to give you every opportunity in the world. i want you to know that and know that i adore you with everything that i am.
it's still hard sometimes to realize that we truly are a family - that the years we spent talking and trying and wishing finally resulted in the two most amazing, cutest boys in the world! you are loved and adored by everyone who knows you. just last week your GG had a pacemaker put in because she realized her health wasn't where she wanted it to be and she said she needed to be here to watch you grow up...that is just how much you are loved!
sleep well my little ones...

Sunday, August 21, 2011

bklyn!


thanks to aunt nin and uncle c we've got these insanely cute quite fantastically awesome onesies and t-shirts. we've got our red bklyn onesies and one blue and one silver handmade batiked t's that are amazing!

after this picture was taken caleb turned his head towards jared and pulled his head back just slightly as if he had actually seen or at least noticed that jared was there...this is the first time that we have seen either boy actually notice the other...must have been the NYC t-shirt that he was enthralled by :)

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a day in the life


sundays on the lawn at weaver street. must be a wonderful life :)
it was a last minute decision to head out to weaver to get something to drink and just lay on the lawn and read. we didn't get too much reading done but we did get tons of snuggles and some time to just sit and enjoy our boys. these two girls (probably about 22 years old) walked past and almost shouted and squealed - they commented on how awkward they themselves were and apologized for seeming creepy but also said that our family was quite possibly the cutest most wonderful thing they had ever seen.
it's always nice when people stop to stare because they think our family is wonderful instead of stoping to stare because they can't quite figure out our family.

as summer turns to fall (or at least i hope summer will turn to fall) we will take more time to spend outside just relaxing - we can go for hikes in duke forrest with Ty and enjoy being outside and just enjoy being a family.
there is something about the faces of these boys that is just the most incredible thing
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Thursday, August 11, 2011

a little laughter



our sweet little boy laughing at his ridiculous mama
i fear this is the first of many many moments when he is laughing at me

(caleb did laugh first but his is more like a half laugh half cry - but i must give credit where credit is due...)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

kicks


CHECK OUT OUR NEW KICKS!

i was able to convince angela that the boys definitely needed these crib shoes - uhm amazingly adorable!
it does however reinforce how big they are getting - they've never been able to fit into crib shoes!
this definitely adds a new level of cuteness to these two handsome boys!
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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

genetics

around 2 weeks we learned that jared is a carrier for cystic fibrosis. after a few minor panic attacks in the dr's office and a few more frantic calls to the sperm bank we came to the realization that he really could only be an asymptomatic carrier because there is no way the donor was a carrier. unfortunately this meant that the genetic mutation had to have come from angela's family which was not something they took too well. it was a bitter pill to swallow but simply put it really doesn't effect jared until he decides to procreate or get some girl knocked up...hopefully the former will precede the latter.

at birth we opted in to a genetic based research study looking into the benefits of including a screening for fragile X in the newborn screen panel. today we received the call that caleb's numbers of the CGG repeat in the FMR1 gene (fragile x mental retardation) fall within "premutation" range putting him at risk for developing Fragile X Tremor/Ataxia Syndrome which is basically adult onset (50+ years old) fragile x and once onset begins life expectancy drops to 5-25 years post diagnosis. wow...talk about hard to stomach. as a behavior analyst working with children with autism i feel hit especially hard with this because this is my profession and i see both the progress and the deficits people with developmental disabilities display. after much research i did locate one article from genome.gov that says"
"Males and females who have a fragile X premutation have normal intellect and appearance. A few individuals with a premutation have subtle intellectual or behavioral symptoms, such as learning difficulties or social anxiety. The difficulties are usually not socially debilitating, and these individuals may still marry and have children."
I think this makes us feel slightly better. angela found something that talks about the higher the number of CGG repeats the more likely he is to have problems down the road. the range is from 55-200 for carriers with a single mutation and his number was 77 which puts him at the lower end of the bracket. this means he could be in the 60% of people who have premutation but no symptoms ever. it will however likely affect his potential children.

this is where i struggle. we now have two children who will have to speak with their respective partners when the time comes about genetic issues that might hinder procreation. we never wanted our children to have any reason to resent us (other than the fact that when they're teens they'll hate our guts regardless)
i fear how they will react to this once they are older
angela now feels guilty as she has now passed genetic "mutations" on to both children.
had we been a straight couple we never would have known this and it is simply something we will address as barriers or hurdles present themselves.
i pray that caleb is fine and that he simply bears the label "asymptomatic carrier"
i sincerely hope that neither caleb nor jared hold us responsible for their genetic "abnormalities"
these things do not make us love them any less - quite the contrary - they are constant reminders that we are so very, very lucky to have two healthy boys.
and these boys are so very lucky to have been born into an incredibly loving home with two mamas who know how to help them in the event that their development strays from typical trajectories.

caleb and jared -
i want you both to know that we are sorry that this is the hand we were all dealt. but it does not change how wanted you are and how loved you are and doesn't mean that we would have done things differently.
you both are the center of my world and what keeps me going throughout my day. i wouldn't change that for the world.
i love you with all my heart and look forward to many years of learning and growing with you.
love always
- mama

2 months

i can't believe it's been 2 months (well 9 weeks) since the boys were born.
so much has happened in the past 9 weeks - the boys have gone from being barely 5 pounds to weighing in at 9lb4oz (jared) and 9lb5oz (caleb).

over the past 2 months we have seen so many changes
- you are both sleeping for longer stretches during the day and at night
- bedtime bottles have gone from just 3ounces to 5ounces
- the spitting up comes in waves (jared you spit up more than your brother)
- we purchased uber swanky bottles to help with the spitting...they seem to help a little
- we've added vitamin D to your routine
- you have both started to hold your heads up which is super cute
and
- for the first time ever we were able to put both of you in the bumbo and you were able to sit there for a few minutes

it's amazing how much changes...mommy was just saying the other night how your feet look so much bigger from the first time we met you

these are your feet on the second day you were in the world...still purple and wrinkled.
i'll have to get a good picture of your feet now for comparison but it's amazing to see the difference 2 months makes.



this was taken about 24 hours after you were born

and this was taken just after 1 month (june 28, 2011)

just incredible

Monday, July 11, 2011

all the little fishies

...are swimming in the water...

this was July 2 - our first trip to the pool and we had a blast
the boys actually stayed asleep in the water which was kind of neat to see - we have noticed during bath time that they don't mind water on their faces or heads even when we pour it over their heads to rinse the shampoo - definitely got mommy's water baby genes

we've gotten some odd looks from people who think our boys are too young to be in the water but our philosophy is we'd rather expose them to it now so they won't be afraid of it later!
they definitely do not seem to mind - snoozing on the pool deck seems to be their favorite pastime

we have officially joined the mommy's circle at the pool (or i guess any where that we go where women [and men] congregate) - it was really nice to sit with a group of moms and just talk about our kids! it has always been us as babysitters trying to interact with other parents or simply being ignored while we try to wrangle crazy kids - from now on it's mommy and mama take on the world!

Friday, July 1, 2011

5 weeks

seriously? you're already 5 weeks old? wow...it seems like a lifetime ago and also like it was just yesterday.
apparently the boys wanted to wait up for mama's birthday because we couldn't settle down last night until slightly past midnight - so thank you boys for ushering in my birthday! it made it that much more special...birthdays are an interesting thing because it does feel like just another day...hopefully my boys are coming to see me at work today which is always appreciated and lovely!

i'm looking forward to a weekend of relaxing and spending some time with the boys. we will be taking our first trip to the pool this weekend as our membership starts today and the boys have been given the OK from the pediatrician to go into a pool. at least they are closer fitting in to their swim suits...so my boss thinks it's entirely funny that we bought bathing suits for the boys but they aren't allowed sunscreen and their heads are just too small for sun hats. speaking of which - i ordered smaller hats from buybuybaby about 3 weeks ago but haven't heard anything from them. i'm a bit perturbed (currently on hold with the store) and i'm hoping that i can track down these hats in time for pool time this weekend!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

spooning!


after a long (long) day of working and preping for the insurance audit i got to have dinner with my wonderful wife and her neice! then it was time to take my boys home for mama snuggles!
each day i look forward to the time when i get to come home for mama snuggles!
this is truly the best part of my day.
i started out with caleb on the couch and jared snuggling with me but it just wasn't enough...the boys enjoyed the spooning and mama definitely enjoyed her snuggle time!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

working weekend


ah yes...this is what happens when mama has to work.
the boys joined me and angela at the clinic for a fun filled sunday of preparing for an insurance audit...
caleb and i got some snuggle time in while i wrote some policies...
7 hours later we were back home snuggling on the couch getting ready for monday morning
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Saturday, June 25, 2011

4 weeks old...

well...yesterday you were 4 weeks old but we were grumpsters and mama couldn't get any good pictures of you
your bubbie and your pappie came and had shabbat dinner with use
we had pizza and hummus and pita chips...and they brought over your changing table for downstairs in our room...

today we had your 4 week checkup.



Jared you are 20 and 1/4 inches and 6lb5oz
Caleb you are 20 inches and 6lb9oz...

Thursday, June 23, 2011

mama's mental health day




so on thursday i took a mental health morning...the alarm when off at 5:30am...i got up and started to brush my teeth. while brushing i realized there was absolutely no way i had the chutzpah to get dressed and get in the car to go to work. i texted my client basically saying i wasn't coming in today. mommy and i snuggled up together and fell back asleep until it was time for the peanuts to eat. after we all snuggled in bed for a while it was time to make some plans for the day. we decided it would be a good day to go out for lunch which we did. we enjoyed lunch at the carolina brewery.

thank goodness for mental health days because i found out halfway through the day that we are having a site visit/audit on June 28 at the clinic. this of course means a weekend FULL of work for mama.

sorry boys...mamas gotta go to work...
trust me...every second i'm at work is all for you and your mommy...

Monday, June 20, 2011