the times they are a changin'

tonight as a very tired very sad Jared was put in his crib I, his mama walked into the kitchen saying "i love you buddy - sleep well" - then about 30 seconds later his crying seemed much much louder...hmm.
upon further investigation i found that my sweet little man was standing at the door and not in the crib where i had last seen him. ah yes our sweet little jared has learned that he can climb out of his crib when he wants his mama...i went back in and held him, told him how much i loved him and that he had caleb to keep him company.
i put him back in his crib and walked back out. i hid outside the door and waited to see what would happen and low and behold small jared climbed back out. and he didn't just crash to the ground he landed lightly on his feet. he came running straight for the door. as soon as i picked him up he instantly stopped crying which led me to believe that this was primarily an attention seeking behavior...oh goody a BCBA for a mama...
jared was put in his sleep sack and still STILL managed to climb out. i let him whine and cry a little and after about 5 minutes i went back in and saw him about to start playing with toys - i picked him up and kissed him and placed him in his crib and that was the last i heard from jared...
oh sweet boy how i wish you would sleep soundly without crawling out of that crib

sweet dreams my sweet little boys

interesting turn of events

i got to my client's house this morning to find a sick kiddo - mom said he had a "bad cold" but she thought he was getting. he proceeded to start eating (well being spoon fed) his breakfast and like watching a train wreck i sat there and just waited because knowing this child as well as i do i knew he was minutes away from throwing up every bite of cookie he had eaten.
needless to say i got to go home about 30 minutes after the session started.
i got to sit at the table and eat breakfast with my boys. i got to read morning stories and watch as my children requested that i read something "again" and as they each chose what they wanted for breakfast. i got huge hugs and giggles when i got home...for once i was getting home while they were in their morning jammies not late at night when they were putting their jammies on to go back to bed.
now i'm sitting at my kitchen table working, drinking my coffee and watching my sweet boys playing with their mommy in the other room.
in the wake of national tragedy i am so lucky to have this morning to just be with my family

candles lit

each night we light our candles...we light them for the joy they bring in to our homes - to see our children marvel at the miracle that is the light...Channukah is not about presents and not entirely about the oil or burning for eight days. the true meaning of Channukah has its roots in a time when the Maccabees stood up for themselves and their people and fought back. they took it upon themselves to uphold their rights, their beliefs and the lives of them and those they loved.

tonight, with the boys in bed and mommy having a mommy's night out, i sat at our kitchen table and lit our candles - each candle in honor and remembrance of all those whose lives have ended prematurely...not only those we lost today in the tragic shooting in Connecticut - but all those who are gone. 

tonight, i light for them

 

Light one candle for the strength that we need
To never become our own foe;
Light one candle for those who are suffering
A pain they learned so long ago;
Light one candle for all we believe in,
That anger not tear us apart;
And light one candle to bring us together
With peace as the song in our heart!

- light one candle

 

as a child this was my favorite Channukah song. honestly i think it still is. i don't think it was originally meant as a channukah song but i may be wrong. no child should know the fear that those surviving this horrible day now know.

give thanks

so the new thing apparently is to post on facebook for the month of November (possibly till Christmas or till thanksgiving I’m not quite sure) every day the post is about “what I’m thankful for” – people post a thing a day that they are thankful for. while I think this is incredibly important because it “forces” people to think about everything they’re thankful for I find it slightly amusing that people find the need to share this with others as a badge of honor…regardless of how silly I think that tradition might be I find it pertinent to the time of year to share the brief, cliff notes version of what we’re thankful for here in our family.

this year for thanksgiving we shared the meal with family. present at the meal were myself, angela and the boys, my sister, her husband and their little girl, my parents, my grandmother and the incredible part…my in-laws. N & J were supposed to have thanksgiving on Tuesday with angela’s aunt and uncle from GA…for medical reasons that family chose to stay home and N & J chose to stay home…they also asked angela if they could come to my parent’s house for dinner.the most incredibly thing about this request is that angela's parents have never been to my parent's home. i take that back...her mom (N) has been to my parent's house for the baby shower many moons ago. angela's dad however has refused multiple invitations because coming to the house would make "things" a bit too real. 

i was impressed that my mom graciously opened her home to N & J simply because of the animosity between our two families. my mom (as do it) want nothing more than for at least N to recognize my standing in this family...regardless of the timeline until we get to that point i know that there is work being done to get us there. 

dinner was miraculous. dinner went without a hitch and J was so much more mature than could have been expected. in situations that make her uncomfortable, angela can come across as snobbish...it's primarily a coping mechanism but people don't always view it that way. angela's dad is much the same in new and uncomfortable situations. however - during dinner J engaged in conversation with my brother-in-law as well as others at the table. he talked briefly with my mom about the yarn shop and hung out with my niece. the boys were a hit and made everyone smile...all in all it was an incredible evening. one that i will remember for a long, long time. the poise that everyone showed was amazing and so completely appreciated by this whole family. 

the actual love and care that was present that night was everything that i am thankful for this winter.

i am thankful for my mom opening her home to people that she does not see eye to eye with simply because she knows it's important to me and angela

i am thankful for my brother-in-law who can talk to anyone

i am thankful for the family present at dinner who all embraced my in-laws 

i am thankful that my in-laws came in with open minds and respected my parents and their home and the meal they were invited to

i am thankful for my wife and best friend who loves me unconditionally regardless of anything else in this world

and i am thankful for the two sweet angels sleeping in the next room whose smiles light my life every single day.

so while i may not be posting to facebook about the 22 some odd things i'm thankful for i hope my family knows how truly thankful i am for them

my buddy

just me and my buddy...hangin out

to the twin mama in whole foods today

first - thank you for allowing me to pretend i'm a twin mama who knows what she's talking about
second - please do not feel bad for having to get back in line after you paid because you forgot to pay for the water you walked the store drinking...i can't tell you how many time we walked out of stores and then back into stores to deal with this problem
third - you'll be ok and you'll make it. when i told you that our kids didn't start sleeping through the night until around 12 months you looked terrified but you'll make it...your kids will eventually sleep through the night...there will be a day that you see another twin mama in a store and try to give them advice about life and sleeping and twins and mama-ing...
for some reason as unwelcome as the advice may be is just kind of comes out. there is something different about being a twin mama and it acts as this bizarre connection. raising twins is a completely different world than that of raising a singleton - or raising two children of different ages...

so thank you twin mama for giving me the opportunity to talk about my twins...my little loves...and for letting me pretend that for today, i was the experienced mama imparting some sort of wisdom upon a new twin mama...

 17 months on saturday...

family pride

saturday was Durham Pride - the one day each year that we stand outside regardless of the weather (this y ear it was rainy and cold) and we stand with hundreds of other people and celebrate our families
the boys had a good time even with the rain and the cold - caleb waved at everyone, jared was a little tentative but mostly because of the weather

for years angela and i have been going to pride dreaming of bringing our kids to pride one day...this year we actually got to share if with them...last year they were just a bit too young. this year they joined us in celebrating the families of others and their own family.

family pride!

even with the protesters and their megaphones we will continue to bring the boys out for pride each year. we will teach them what pride is about. and even as they get older and are able to understand and ask questions we will teach them about them about those who have gone before us fighting for equality. when they are older and able to understand we will also teach them about those who have gone before us and given their lives fighting for our equality and freedom.
while we hope to show them every day that they are no different than anyone else, pride is a day that we show them how proud we are of our difference. we come together as a community and celebrate!

i can't count the number of people who waved and clapped and smile and shouted at the two beautiful babies.
our family is nothing to be ashamed of and we will spend every day of the boys' lives teaching them that! even when people they love can't stand behind them or their family, they will know that they are two of the luckiest, most loved boys in the world. they will know that their family fought to bring them into this world and will keep fighting for our equality as a family.

the US Supreme Court opened session today - 2 things on the docket are the Defense of Marriage Act and California Proposition 8...i can only hope that in the next 12 months these two things will be resolved in our favor and we can move forward towards our family's equality.

i look forward to including the boys as much as possible in the fight for our family's equality!

sans stroller

this morning angela went out to see her grandfather in burlington and i had a long overdue mama morning
all 4 of us went to elmo's diner for breakfast first and then came home to change the boys out of the pjs...
for some reason i decided that since it was so pretty outside we would go for our first real nature walk sans stroller for backup...in hindsight it might not have been the best idea but we did have a blast!

the view from up north

me and my buddy kipper

best smile ever

cousin kisses

more cousin kisses!

goats!

GOATS! (pre goat attack)

we love goats

hello goat...or dogum as caleb called them

climbing in

goat kisses

ready to move in

my little john deer

love

my sweet boys

u

a little unsure

here i'll help you

chickens....

hangin with my uncle c

moooooo

trying to climb in with the moo-cows

uncle love...

trying to show jared something...

ooo...big tractor

really big tractor...

closest we could get to a mama & the boys photo

watching the animals go by

feeding the pigs

feeding the billy goats!

sleepy baby

feeding something

bye bye animals

will i fit?

how bout you brother?

boys doing work

notice the dog to toddler size ratio

LOVE my niece!! (she has my dimple...)

ice cream is yummies

mmm....yummies

best face ever!

epic caleb

sweet family!...miss them like crazy

yummies!!!

eating my ice creams off the ground...

it's just so good

just can't help myself

yum

watching the water in thousand islands

looking at the big buildings

watching it with our mommy

happy mommy....very sleepy baby

little bear!

at least one of them slept

diggin the sand

dig dig dig

testing out the water

ooo cold water

hanging out at the lake

is it safe to drink?

watcha doin uncle?

my little fish

loving every minute

we couldn't get him out

filling my bucket

going to fill my puddle

i didn't make it....

surfer niece

splash!

closest we got to a family photo

cleaning out my nooks and crannies

tush!!!