mother is defined as a female parent
our society defines mother as the person who gave birth to the child in question
we see mother as someone who cooks, cleans, and cares for the child
the mother raises the child while the father ensures that the family has what it needs
in our family there are two mothers - one biological and one (me) not so biological
in our family mommy stays home and cares for our children - she feeds them and nurses them and holds them when they are sad - she sings to them and reads to them and tickles them
in our family mama goes to work each day and tries to change the lives of others in order to provide for these little ones
in our family mama is just as much a mother as mommy is
we work together
are on the same page
have the same morals and beliefs about what it is we want to instil upon our children
we are partners
and we are a team
no matter how mother is defined by others mama will always be someone who works every day in order to provide every opportunity to her boys - someone who looks forward to holding them during their evening bottle and loves the way they smell after bath time - someone who can't wait to make baby food from scratch - someone who hears her boys cry and their little voices saying "mama mama" even though it means nothing and is just the sound they make...
...mama...mommy...we both live here...and both do our part raising these boys
i know so many other mommy/mama families who struggle to find a place for the non-biological mother...they feel possessive of the child when they have a biological attachment - they feel like the non-bio parent acts like a babysitter - so they treat them like a babysitter - they wonder why the other parent is not bonded but so often it's that parent who is working day and night to support the family and keep the wheels turning - they see the "other-mother" as not actually the mother at all...but don't have the words to say it.
...mama...mommy...mother...ima...no matter what you call it or our biological attachment we both live here...and both do our part raising these boys
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
reflections
i look back on the past 5 months and it has been such an incredible time of love and growth and changes and discoveries
we have grown as a family and while there are still things we need to learn about each other and how we all fit i can't imagine things any other way.
no one ever imagines parenthood to be easy. and no one ever tells you that you'll be capable of handling it. and yet there is something about this that feels very solid and i do feel like we have done right by these boys the past almost 5 months. people look in at our little family and wonder "how?"
how do we look rested? - we're really good at faking it and for the most part our boys sleep fairly well
how do we look so put together? - well, hygiene has always been a priority for us :) i joke with angela all the time that when the boys are teenagers they will be showering at least twice a day...let's face it, boys are a bit smelly
i often wonder how you don't resent me for leaving every day and while i understand the necessity of going to work and bringing home the proverbial bacon i also know how hard it can be to be home alone with two little boys who are not always on their best behavior...
in the past few short weeks since the boys turned 4 months old they have started to notice each other...jared often babbles and laughs when caleb is in his line of sight - he makes awesome eye contact and occasionally caleb with babble back...caleb is the quiet type. he has to work up to a conversation even with his brother...
as they get older they get older i look forward to learning the language they will have with each other. i look forward to seeing these two already so different personalities grow and strengthen!
we have grown as a family and while there are still things we need to learn about each other and how we all fit i can't imagine things any other way.
no one ever imagines parenthood to be easy. and no one ever tells you that you'll be capable of handling it. and yet there is something about this that feels very solid and i do feel like we have done right by these boys the past almost 5 months. people look in at our little family and wonder "how?"
how do we look rested? - we're really good at faking it and for the most part our boys sleep fairly well
how do we look so put together? - well, hygiene has always been a priority for us :) i joke with angela all the time that when the boys are teenagers they will be showering at least twice a day...let's face it, boys are a bit smelly
i often wonder how you don't resent me for leaving every day and while i understand the necessity of going to work and bringing home the proverbial bacon i also know how hard it can be to be home alone with two little boys who are not always on their best behavior...
in the past few short weeks since the boys turned 4 months old they have started to notice each other...jared often babbles and laughs when caleb is in his line of sight - he makes awesome eye contact and occasionally caleb with babble back...caleb is the quiet type. he has to work up to a conversation even with his brother...
as they get older they get older i look forward to learning the language they will have with each other. i look forward to seeing these two already so different personalities grow and strengthen!
Monday, October 17, 2011
DTaP
oy...so today is the DTap allergy visit...the boys cannot get the DTaP (diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis) vaccine in the doctor's office...you know a regular shot to the thigh like they do for all their other shots.
donor #5508 was so similar to me in so many ways - he has brown curly hair and dark brown eyes, he has a sweet smile and has ambitions included non-profit management and a degree in social work to with disadvantaged peoples. all of these are attributes in myself that i value and wanted to pass on to a child. as i was not going to have a biological relationship with the child we searched for someone with many of my traits. never in a million years did we intend to pass along my severe allergy to the P part of the DTap. when i was a child and received my first dose of DTaP i spiked an incredibly high fever and my parents had to keep me in a tub of cool water in order to reduce my risk for febrile seizures. upon reading the full medical history for #5508 we discovered that ironically he was allergic to the P in DTaP and when he received his first dose of the vaccine as an infant was hospitalized. this changed our entire outlook on the vaccine as a whole. we wanted the boys to have DTa but not P...we discussed it with dr. fitzsimmons and she was really insistent that the boys get the vaccine which we did know was incredibly important we just were not comfortable with the possible consequences. we discussed sending the boys to an allergist at UNC in order to administer the vaccine at a slow rate in order to monitor symptoms of allergy in a controlled setting.
needless to say we agreed and today the boys are sitting with mommy and lil' grandma at UNC. mommy gets no service inside the clinic so i have no clue what the progress is. she will call if anything goes wrong...
just got a text that the boys are being given a test shot and then watched for 30 minutes and then given the whole shot. so...i am holding my little loves (all 3 of them, mommy included) in the light and hoping this day gets no more eventful then it already is.
dear c & j
i'm sorry that you have to endure this day.
i know it is no fun and that tomorrow you will probably be cranky and sleepy.
i know it's hard to understand now but getting vaccines saves lives - not only your lives but the lives of others whose parents choose not to vaccinate their children.
i love you both with all my heart and look forward to holding you this afternoon.
we'll go for a walk in our new, rockin', orange stroller
maybe we'll take mommy and tyler out to the trails and we can all go for a walk. we'll bring some snacks and maybe have a picnic...
sleep well this afternoon
and i promise - tonight you are all mine!
donor #5508 was so similar to me in so many ways - he has brown curly hair and dark brown eyes, he has a sweet smile and has ambitions included non-profit management and a degree in social work to with disadvantaged peoples. all of these are attributes in myself that i value and wanted to pass on to a child. as i was not going to have a biological relationship with the child we searched for someone with many of my traits. never in a million years did we intend to pass along my severe allergy to the P part of the DTap. when i was a child and received my first dose of DTaP i spiked an incredibly high fever and my parents had to keep me in a tub of cool water in order to reduce my risk for febrile seizures. upon reading the full medical history for #5508 we discovered that ironically he was allergic to the P in DTaP and when he received his first dose of the vaccine as an infant was hospitalized. this changed our entire outlook on the vaccine as a whole. we wanted the boys to have DTa but not P...we discussed it with dr. fitzsimmons and she was really insistent that the boys get the vaccine which we did know was incredibly important we just were not comfortable with the possible consequences. we discussed sending the boys to an allergist at UNC in order to administer the vaccine at a slow rate in order to monitor symptoms of allergy in a controlled setting.
needless to say we agreed and today the boys are sitting with mommy and lil' grandma at UNC. mommy gets no service inside the clinic so i have no clue what the progress is. she will call if anything goes wrong...
just got a text that the boys are being given a test shot and then watched for 30 minutes and then given the whole shot. so...i am holding my little loves (all 3 of them, mommy included) in the light and hoping this day gets no more eventful then it already is.
dear c & j
i'm sorry that you have to endure this day.
i know it is no fun and that tomorrow you will probably be cranky and sleepy.
i know it's hard to understand now but getting vaccines saves lives - not only your lives but the lives of others whose parents choose not to vaccinate their children.
i love you both with all my heart and look forward to holding you this afternoon.
we'll go for a walk in our new, rockin', orange stroller
maybe we'll take mommy and tyler out to the trails and we can all go for a walk. we'll bring some snacks and maybe have a picnic...
sleep well this afternoon
and i promise - tonight you are all mine!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
a picture is worth a thousand words
if you stick it in my mouth, i'm gonna bite it!
sleepin through game day
yes - they put me in laundry basket
when mama was a kid she had "sister baths" - now we get to have "brother baths"
i found my thumb!
local boy!
first walk in our new stroller
bubbles and bath time
first bites of cereal
nom nom nom!
jared's first bite
i'm cute
hmmm...
uh huh...
books are nummy
i just can't get enough
these photos were taken over the past month - it's been about that long since i posted last.
since then the boys have reached 4 months old and caleb has really come into his own.
i felt it appropriate for this post to be more about the boys and their faces and less about the words i have to discuss and describe the last month of these little boys' lives
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