this one's for you molls...

recently we received an amazing package from our molls...

she sent teethers and mousies for the boys and chocolate spread for the mommies...

needless to say i think caleb likes his mousey...

such good boys

for the last hour the boys have been laying in their cribs - no not sleeping - they are supposed to be sleeping but instead they have been talking to each other and cooing and playing...quietly...

it meant that i had a chance to clean the up after our landlord and his kitchen/oven remodeling crew covered our entire kitchen in a film of sawdust and and paint dust...

kitchen clean AND babies now sleeping...

go go go

and he crawls!

(this was taken last weekend...)

at a loss

i am at a loss…

over the past 18 months multiple communities of which I am a part have lost friends to untimely death. Other communities have been plagued with disease and other traumatic events. I am at a complete loss – outside of these events close friends have experienced the loss of someone in their lives…I often wonder if this is a function of growing up – as a child I knew people whose loved ones passed away without time for preparation and before it was “their time” but it seems that I notice and experience these events much more frequently. My mom used to say that these things (death specifically) always come in threes…

there is something about raising our children in small, close knit communities frightens me…many of the deaths I’ve experiences in my life (almost all of it in fact) have been related to the incredibly small (yet wonderful) educational communities I was raised in…the first friends school related memorial service I remember was for the husband of Nina’s college counselor…long before that Nina lost a friend in Middle School to complications from pneumonia. In Middle School I lost a friend to suicide (that same year there were multiple suicides in the Chapel Hill community at large.) Later on in high school we lost teachers (yes plural) and a student was killed in a car accident. 

when we live in large communities do we still expeireince the same number of tragedies but is our exposure and the level to which we are directly affected a function of the size of the community itself? Are there still the same number of loses in a large school of thousands? Is it just that a community this big is not directly affected due to its size? Smith was a large community (in my opinion) but it was made up of communities within the larger community. There were the houses and the departments and groups, clubs, class years…you name it. the problem with this scenario is that one person can affect multiple communities. M was involved in crew and then Frisbee and in her house and in her department – as these 3 communities did not have much overlap it meant that her stroke affected upwards of 100 different people on campus if not more. Now with the loss of K you see an outpouring of support and of a sense of loss from so many different people all tied together by a common acquaintance. 

I guess the Smith example goes against my theory of small communities – there were close to 2300 students in attendance my first year. But in the almost 6 years since I graduated (almost 10 years since the beginning of my first year) there have only been 2 major tragedies that affected me personally. There were a few loses that affected other parts of the Smith community that did not penetrate the circles I was a part of…whether these should apply to my count I’m not too sure.

Let’s extrapolate to my experiences within the CFS community – I was there 12 years – in the 12 years I was there we lost J, K, S, P, R, and M…that’s what I can remember off the top of my head it is quite possible there were more. In my 4 years of Upper School (high school) alone we lost So that’s 6 people in 12 years…something in me says that one person every two years is still quite outrageous. It’s been almost 10 years since I graduated high school – in that time there have been fewer losses but in the last 13 months there has been a brain tumor which turned out to be benign a cancerous neck tumor and the death of a young alum…

Needless to say I find it cruel, unfair and slightly incomprehensible that my communities have been so affected by illness, loss and tragedy. I’m not very good at loss – my mind does not know how to wrap itself around it…the best I can do is reach out to those whose lives I have been missing out on in the past few years and remind them how much they mean to me…I can come home every night feeling blessed to have a wife who loves me and two beautiful boys whose eyes light up when they see me.

…baruch dayan ha’emet…

whirlwind weekend

this was mama's first real weekend without studying or work or anything to do other than be a mama and boy did we take advantage of it! starting saturday morning with our first taste of yogurt and ending with our first taste of frozen yogurt with tons and tons of fun in between.


saturday morning mommy slept in...it was nice to spend the morning with my boys just playing and having breakfast. although caleb did decide that he did not in fact want his cereal. we had butternut squish which was enjoyed by all involved. jared took an awesome morning nap (mainly because he has the sniffles) and i had a chance to make mommy some oatmeal, chocolate chip lactation cookies (carrot mini baby muffins to be made on monday). we got to hang out with cousins ari and laurel and chat with them about angela keeping their little boy a few months after he's born once his mommy and his laurel go back to work. mid way through our little chat the mailman arrived with a package for the boys! we now officially have a ball pool!

this provides hours of fun! jared is also trying to figure out how he can crawl up and over the side effectively crawling out of the ball pit. oh the joys of almost mobility.
so...after a thrilling afternoon of ball pools and playing and dinner it was bed time - the boys actually slept fairly well saturday night and were well prepared for sunday funday! we started sunday with huge plans of outings and grocery store trips and muffin making and and and and...yea by morning nap time we were all a bit spent but still had grand plans. however after a decent nap and some lunch we were a bit more fired up and prepared to venture for our first real, kid centered family outing

enter -- kidzu

...we were hoping jared would take his first crawl while we were out but alas...no crawling yet...

kidzu is a museum specifically designed for kids - the whole thing is hands on - there's an art area, a building area, a "green market" area full of fruit and vegetable toys - in the 24months and younger area there had lots of books and toys and lots of things to be put in caleb's mouth! there's also a large basket for "mouthed" toys...yea basically anything caleb came into contact with went into this basket.
we mainly hung out in the padded section of the baby zone - this tends to be the best plan when jared and caleb are involved - as long as it's padded there is no fear of jared lunging forward (desperately grabbing at whatever toy he was going for) and busting his head open or caleb thinking there's something behind him and just deciding to fall backwards! ahh boys...gotta love 'em.

must...eat...toys!

look ma...yellow!

just hanging out

we played a lot at kidzu - we played and read books and laughed and watched other little boys play and use their big boy walking feet...one day we will learn to use our walking feet but for now we're still trying to figure out this crawling business. kidzu was fun but there is only so much you can do when you're little so we decided to take a little walk across the street for one of chapel hill's best holes in the wall...the Yogurt Pump! the boys tasted their very first frozen yogurt (vanilla of course - no crazy flavors yet) - they seemed thoroughly unimpressed and are much more eager to scarf down fist fulls of butternut squash...what a proud mama i am!

after kidzu there was a strike on afternoon napping resulting in cranky boys. it was an early night with a quick dinner and a nice warm bath!...

now if only jared could figure out how to crawl............

good night sleep tight

this is the first night that i am away from you
months ago you were away from me - you were with mommy on a trip to see your cousins and grandpa and grandma in myrtle beach...
but this is me away from you

know that i love you dearly
and that this is only temporary
in 24 hours i'll be home (and yes you sleeping) but as i remember hearing my parents' voices in my dreams when they came home late from the symphony or from a date night out so too will you hear my voice tomorrow night in your dreams and know that mama is home

sleep well my little angels sleep well...
starting tomorrow night every free moment i have can be devoted to you (and your mommy)!

testing...testing

to my boys...over the next 2 weeks the time i spend away from you and studying are not because i do not miss you, want to snuggle you, or do not love you...this is all for you (well and to advance myself) but so much more for you...to provide a solid foundation for the rest of our life together...to be the mama i want to be and a mama you can be proud of.

so...i'm going to have to take a back seat these next few weeks and devote myself to this test and studying for it.
i love you with every single piece of my heart (yes still leaving some left for your mommy!)

in a few short weeks we'll be back to running and playing and snuggling every night! (don't worry...we'll still snuggle every night and you'll still get your night time babas from mama...i wouldn't give that time up for anything...)

love...