main campus

today we toured the main campus of the carolina friends school (cfsnc.org)
this is the school i grew up in
the school where i spent 12 years of my life
the school where i learned the concept of individuality - of loss - of grief - of love...
i figured out who i was at the school
because of this school i had the opportunity to do an internship that led to meeting a woman who would later become a friend, then a best friend and then my wife

today we toured the main campus of the carolina friends school as prospective parents....
during the info session i literally teared up on multiple occasions
thinking of our kids being in this place
this place that is almost as significant to me as my childhood home
i hold in the light every dream i have of our children being able to be in this space
i truly hope that they are accepted and that we find the means to provide them with the community that my sister and i had

i cannot believe our boys are school aged but i am thankful for places like cfs because they provide me with hope for a better world

doing something right

heard tonight at dinner from both kids in surround sound: "most vegetables! more vegetables!" 

gotta love these boys 

mitzvah

today i had the opportunity to do a good deed or mitzvah
when i pulled over to the side of the road i had no idea what i was getting myself into
less than 30 minutes later i was handing a woman her newborn daughter.
crazy yes i know...insane actually.
it was an incredible thing and i'm still trying to process it - the only reason i blog about it here is to make sure that in the years to come, as memory fades, i remember this as one of those days that i thank G-d for the blessings in my life

Blessed are You G-d, ruler of the Universe, who has kept me alive, and sustained me, and made me arrive at this day.

history

sweet boys,
today i am proud to live in this country and proud to have been a part of something amazing. today the Supreme Court struck down something called the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). this is something you may only read about in your history books and i am so thankful for that. this law stated that your mom and i were legally denied federal rights as a couple - this law made it possible for our marriage to be overlooked and looked upon as less than a marriage between and man and a woman. today that is different. today, in a few states around the country, your mom and i are legally married in both the eyes of the state and the federal government.
you may think this is silly because when you're old enough to understand this, today will be old news...it will be history...but today we made history and for the first time, the federal government stood up for your family! for your rights to me as your non-biological mama! it's a pretty awesome day my loves!


"...it humiliates tens of thousands of children now being raised by same-sex couples. The law in question makes it even more difficult for the children to understand the integrity and closeness of their own family and its concord with other families in their community and in their daily lives."

happy father's day

to my daddy...who taught me so much about being a partner and a parent...who did my hair every morning so that my mom could work early and be home early with us...who came to every ballet recital and violin concert and was prouder than any other parent in the place...i always knew he was there because i could hear him cough or clear his throat...apparently i now do the same thing...
my dad traveled a lot but it never changed how appreciative we were of him...we knew the value of the work he does and knew that even when work had to come first it wasn't because he didn't want to put us first. he took us to france and israel on work related adventures...and took us to the beach and seattle and vancouver just for fun...
he hung out in a hotel room and helped me with my algebra homework during hurricane fran...he held my hand when we went to see my mom in the hospital when she was sick...and he let me help out around the house when he needed surgery on his back.
my dad has taught me a great deal about being a strong and supportive partner as well as a strong and loving parent...
he is the best poppie my kids will ever know! they love their poppie so much and always giggle when he goes to kiss them with his scratchy beard...

today for lunch we had tuna and popcorn which was my family's sunday afternoon, daddy made meal...

here's to you poppie

blessings

i bumped into our old nanny today at weaver street - we got to talking and i mentioned something about the fact that A and i have been thinking about asking him to take on one day a week so that A can get some more work done...we also really appreciate the relationship the kids have with him (they love him)...after talking a bit he said that if he needed to reduce his fee for services he would because that's how much he cares about maintaining his relationship with the boys...
in the last 3 months he lost his job with us, lost his long long term girl friend, and realized he didn't have enough money to start grad school or to go traveling as he had wanted to prior to school (also that was a trip he was planning with the aforementioned girl)...for him to make this offer was such an amazing gesture in my eyes.
i am feeling extremely lucky to have someone like this in our life and i know that the values that we have as a family are shared by someone who has such a strong relationship with the kids

things i have learned...or reflections on genetics

we are spending the week in florida to visit angela's grandmother...in talking with people about the boys we have talked a lot about caleb and his desire to help others. both boys love to help - when we arrived to our room here after grocery shopping jared systematically removed each item from a grocery bag and brought it to me in the kitchen...after each item he would go back and get another item and so on and so on...
caleb however seems to be drawn to kids that are a bit different. two examples of this: toddler time at the community center - a child is brought in who is developmentally disabled and cannot maneuver around the room to get his own toys - caleb notices this (at around 18 months old) and brings the child some toys so that he too can play... at a park last week - there is a group of developmentally disabled young adults using the playground - caleb finds his way over to a young man sitting on the slide - he reaches out to him and says hi and looks as if he's going to try and sit down with the young man - the young man reaches out and gently grabs caleb's arm - caleb just stands there and watches.
now what makes this incredible to me is that clearly i work with the type of child that caleb appears to understand. as we all know caleb is not biologically my child however we chose a donor based not only on looks (looks like he could be my brother) but also based on personality. we were given the opportunity to listen to an interview done with the donor and one of the first things he said is that he wanted to work with children special needs...it was something that drew us to him even more. he also wanted to get a degree in social work...my grandfather was a social worker. it is incredible to me that when i look at my son i see bits and pieces of myself. a child who is in no way genetically a part of me exhibits behaviors that are intrinsically a part of my being. caleb does not ever see me interact with my clients - he has never in his conscious memory been to the clinic and seen the kids i work with however something in him just knows.
call it nature, call it nurture, call it whatever you want to call it.
i however look at my son and see a part of me...a part of a grandfather i never knew. i like to believe that i am very much like that grandfather and therefore that caleb is too like him...
i look at my son and regardless of biology and genetics know that he is as much a part of me as i am apart of him!